zombina, dead dolls, second life, counter, culture, MMO, gaming, community, loyalty, return

So, my name is Zombina…..and I am a has been. Nah, save your pity I’m cool with it. You see Second Life was getting rather old for me – same shit different day kind of thing. More often than not my days were spent making sure everyone else was happy and taken care of and tried to make my little group that could be not only a place for amazing fashion to come together but to really be a community – a place for outcasts to call home in the cookie cutter world of Second Life. I did it happily and always did my best to make everyone feel welcome and to encourage and empower others where I could, although in hindsight I wonder if I even did that at all. You see in 2012, the year that I made my exit from Second Life, I was battling so strong of a level of depression that I don’t think that I was doing anything worthwhile but rather just going through the motions. It was one of the hardest decisions I had made in some time and has cost me far more than I had ever imagined…individuals whom I felt very strongly were friends that I could count on to be there for me – one of whom understood the trials and tribulations of my life as I shared my reality only with her, and considered myself very lucky to have such a wonderful friend – have defriended me, with no shits to give about my return. The one individual whom I had bonded most with in this strange alternate world has disappeared I fear forever out of my life, and I can’t help but feel as though I subconsciously pushed him away…and it’s killing me inside.I have come back to essentially nothing. I am no longer the Dead Dolls Girl, I am no longer anyone that one would need anything from, I am just me… the sad little dead girl.

I can’t say that I’ve made my way fully out of depression and know that I might falter but I want to make Second Life what it once was for me again.. a place to explore – to meet new people, see new things, and have new experiences – and I want to share these travels with you, the readers, perhaps to give you a fresh look on (second) life. I still remember those frightening moments of passing a notecard to my favorite designers proposing the idea for Dead Dolls…the sheer terror of rejection that I knew was inevitable – but that wasn’t the case. The group has grown to be something truly special in Second Life and I am proud that I had something to do with that for as long as I did. I have seen such amazing talent and come across so many amazing personalities and people that Dead Dolls will be an experience that I will never forget. However, that era is over….and here I am drawing up the outlines to my next chapter in (second) life. I am still unsure of just where that chapter will take me but I look forward to building it. Looking back at my time before the Dead Dolls era I remember the excitement of finding a new hangout, of spending untold hours chatting away with virtual strangers, and pretending to be any number of creature in my roleplaying adventures.

I would be lying to say that I didn’t find it intimidating being over 7 years old here and starting anew but the choice has been made that I will use this homecoming to rekindle my love of exploring, my enjoyment of the impromptu, and the freedom of being nobody special. The name of Bubble Gum for both this website and the inworld group is a throwback to the innocence of my first year in this land. My adventures shopping for skins and skirts with my favorite goth DJ and first real friend in Second Life, my love of any goofy attachment I could find, and my lack of a need to keep up with the “in crowd” at the expense of losing my real identity for the one that was needed to succeed in this pixelated world.

I welcome anyone who is free of spirit with a healthy appetite for more than just the same old same old to join the journey, the chit chat in the group ( adult chit-chat, before the butthurt brigade may attempt to join in… there will be no sugar coating ) , and whatever else may come of this return. I have no idea where this journey will take me but I am ready to hit the ground running and not look back. I have made my public apology to any that I have wronged in some way – designers working on events that I horribly screwed up, individuals whom I have let down, and individuals that perhaps I was not in my right mind enough to let them know just how special they were to me. It is my hope that in time I can regain the trust of at least a few of these individuals but I’m not holding my breath on that one…many of them have every right to be just as angry and let down by me as I am with myself.

So with that, here we go… It may not always be pretty, it may not always make sense… but from now on it will be Zombina’s world, and for the first time a world where my true self and my pixel self are completely one in the same. If I have learned anything in both my personal and business ventures in second life it is that through being fake you miss out on all of the awesome things awaiting the real you.

Should you wish to join me in my travels I welcome you to follow the blog or join in on the in-world group for quite possibly the most random of second life chats.

and finally, I want to thank all of you who have offered a warm welcome to an old stranger. It took a lot for me to come back to this world and perhaps I am being too sentimental ( blame it on the crazy pills lol ) but knowing that even a few of you are happy to say hello or welcome back means the world to me even in light of my closest companions turning their back on this reckless, unorganized pile of pixels.So again, thank you I ♥ you all and have truly enjoyed catching up with those who still consider me worth talking to. so now… let the games begin lol.


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